Growing up in the LDS church I was taught that I was extra valiant in the preexistence life, which is why I was born into a special covenant. It meant that I didn’t have to be tested in finding and choosing the correct church; it picked me. I didn’t have to search for God, I only had to endure to the end in order to achieve salvation. I always wondered about that. Why did I deserve this special treatment? Why did I earn a special seat at the table with Christ and Abraham, while people like Gandhi, Mother (Saint) Teresa, St. Francis of Assisi (a favorite hero of mine), and a myriad of faceless and unknown saintly people who have lived, but are consigned to a lesser glory than me. Really? I guess their saintly acts don’t really count so much because they were born in a time when there was less light and the spirit wasn’t in abundance, according to the doctrine I was taught. I was told that they will be sufficiently tested so that they can choose, or not, to accept the ‘fulness’ of the gospel later. So there is to be some test of their innate spiritual nature that predisposes them to choose correct doctrine, and thus claim a greater glory. A test that, I was assured, I had already passed before I came to this earth.
There is a quote written by Joseph Smith that goes like this: “…A religion that does not require the sacrifice of all things never has power sufficient to produce the faith necessary unto life an salvation.” and, “It is in vain for persons to fancy to themselves that they are heirs with those, or can be heirs with them, who have offered their all in sacrifice,”…1
I have to tell you, I don’t think there is any test in heaven or the preexistence that can come close to comparing with the test mortality has to offer. I have also come to believe that the “test” is not really about choosing the “correct” dogma. The test is all about overcoming yourself, the world, seeking truth no matter where you find it, and living by the word of God. The soft words of a man who claims to hold keys of salvation who is telling you not to worry, “all is well”, will show you the way to another place, but not the celestial kingdom.
The Lord says he will spew the lukewarm person out of his mouth.2 The lukewarm personality is content with what he or she has been given and is afraid to dig any deeper for fear of having to rock the boat. They believe without question that truth is what another man tells you it is. Sometimes they even have good feelings about it; they will have a warm and emotional response whenever their pastor, priest, or apostle speaks to them. Listening to a good speaker at church and receiving emotional good feelings is not an answer from God that the speaker is telling you truth. It is only a response that the speaker is telling you what you have already made up your mind to be truth. Why is it that every religion believes that God speaks to them by the good feelings they have? I suppose the terrorist who walks into the market place with a bomb strapped around his chest also has good feelings about what he is doing.
Joseph Smith taught us the real test for discerning truth. He said, “ A person may profit by noticing the first intimation of the spirit of revelation; for instance, when you feel pure intelligence flowing into you, it may give you sudden strokes of ideas, so that by noticing it, you may find it fulfilled the same day or soon; (i.e.) those things that were presented unto your minds by the Spirit of God, will come to pass; and thus by learning the Spirit of God and understand it, you may grow into the principle of revelation, until you become perfect in Christ Jesus.“3 No where in scriptures does it describe receiving testimony from the Holy Ghost as being warm emotional feelings. You can receive chills and warm feelings as a response to the Holy Ghost, but it will be accompanied by knowledge and intelligence received in your mind, or as Joseph describes it in revelation: God will tell you, “in your mind and in your heart…“4
The seeker of truth will jump out of the boat if need be to follow light and truth. Beware when someone with authority says, “Don’t study that”, or, “Stay away from mysteries, it is the beginning of apostasy.” It is only a way to keep you from questioning, a way of controlling you. Ask God, He will answer your questions. Why listen to another man or woman who does not know the voice of God, even though they may claim it. The lazy person will assume that what they have been brought up to believe and were taught their whole life is the truth. But, the questioning person, the one who tests what he has been taught will find eternal life. God will not punish you for asking questions that show your doubt towards your tradition. It was meant that every person who lives on this earth be tested in this way.
A zealot will tell you not to question. A zealot will say that to question is a sin. But, the problem with zealots is that they tend to be fanatics, religious bigots. They project their desire for control with a faux religiousness that becomes stronger and stronger to protect the religious façade they project.5 They use such phrases as, “avoid the very appearance of evil” and devise ever more rules and commandments in order to justify themselves and to control. “God told me” or “the spirit said” or a revelation has been given. All of these claims have to be tested. You shouldn’t accept they are true without confirmation no matter who makes these claims because “it is the nature and disposition of almost all men, as soon as they get a little authority, as they suppose, they will immediately begin to exercise unrighteous dominion.“6
Religious bigotry is part of the pride of the Gentiles. It includes the idea that we Americans deserve a better station in the afterlife. Believing Baptists and other so-called fundamentalists7 (fun-damned-mentalists) believe that America is blessed, evidenced by its posterity, and they, and only they will be heaven bound, while everyone else will live in eternity in physical agony as punishment for not being Baptists. Most Protestants and American Catholics feel similarly entitled, although their concept of hell isn’t quite so horrific. Mormons believe (American Mormons anyway) they were extra valiant in the preexistence and thus deserved a better earth life and gained a special ticket to heaven. This is an insidious logic that damns people to assume they don’t have to “work out their salvation with fearing and trembling.“8 There is also no evidence, zero, that a person had earned prosperity in a preexistence in the scriptures. If anything, according to Alma (Alma 13) some spirits condescend from the preexistence to live an exemplary life of self sacrifice to teach others. They do not live a life of worldly abundance.
No, the real trial in life, the hardest test, is having been born in a tradition of exclusivity, where judgement and condemnation for leaving it is so strong that it is breathtakingly difficult to leave. Will you have a desire to seek truth, no matter where it is found, or will you stay comfortable where you are? Salvation comes at a sacrifice that is just as difficult as my pioneer ancestors sought it by leaving their families forever in England and Denmark and crossed the American plains dragging a handcart. It is supposed to be as difficult a test as the Jews who were thrown out of the synagogue and excommunicated in the days of the Apostles, or even the early Christians who became spectacles for the Romans in the Coliseum. It is supposed to be just as difficult as it was for Francis of Assisi to reject a wealthy inheritance from his father and live a life of luxury, to reject it and live a life of poverty and sacrifice. It was never meant to be easy. Thus, as Alma describes it, you must, “fear, and tremble before God, for ye ought to tremble.“9
The Gospel of Christ is a gospel of love, not of fear. And we should not have to fear asking questions or having doubts that we seek to answer. God will never, never, ever chastise you for wanting clarity. He may not give you the answer you want to hear, and He may not answer you right away, but my experience is He will always answer your questions if you present your questions in belief. But He will never be angry with you for wanting to seek and to obtain knowledge (Matthew 7:7-11). In fact, He encourages inquiry and dialogue. So, ask Him. Start a conversation with Him.
Notes:
1 Lectures on Faith, Lecture sixth.
2 Revelation 3:16. “I know thy works, that thou art neither cold nor hot: I would thou wert cold or hot. So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spew thee out of my mouth.“
3 History of the Church, p.381.
4 D&C 8:2
5 “Zealots, ideologues, and tyrants are usually the people who feel that free speech is dangerous because it challenges their power.” Human Time Bomb, C.A.A. Savastano
6 D&C 121:39
7 Salmon Rushdie said, “Fundamentalism isn’t about religion, it’s about power.” and, “Zealots, ideologues, and tyrants are usually the people who feel that free speech is dangerous because it challenges their power.” Human Time Bomb, C.A.A. Savastano
8 Philippians 2:12
9 Jacob 15:26