“A fanciful and flowery and heated imagination be aware of, because the things of God are of deep import, and time, and experience, and careful and ponderous and solemn thoughts can only find them out. Your mind, O man, if you will lead a soul unto salvation, must stretch as high as the utmost Heavens, and search into and contemplate the lowest considerations of the darkest abyss, and expand upon the broad considerations of eternal expanse. You must commune with God. How much more dignified and noble are the thoughts of God than the vain imagination of the human heart? None but fools will trifle with the souls of men.” (T&C 138:18)
I read the quote above last week, must have been the 20th time I have read it, and a feeling of great dread came over me. I was struck by the phrase “if you will lead a soul unto salvation, must stretch as high as the utmost Heavens, and search into and contemplate the lowest considerations of the darkest abyss, and expand upon the broad considerations of eternal expanse.” In pondering this phrase I remembered Hugh Nibley writing that the Angels abhor empty space. I can see how the horror of empty space presses upon their spirits as a nagging reminder of their utter dependence on higher powers and complete nakedness in the face of eternity. It may be one of the boundaries that Angels set stakes upon which they will not venture past.
I am also reminded of something Eugene England wrote forty years ago. England was a professor of English Literature at BYU from about 1974 to 1995. He is also known for having had a famous “run in” with Elder Bruce R McConkie who told Eugene that he was teaching false doctrine (he wasn’t) and famously wrote to him: “It is my province to teach to the Church what the doctrine is. It is your province to echo what I say or to remain silent.” Here is an experience that England wrote about in his book, Dialogues with Myself :
“…I began to learn from by father, who taught early morning seminary, about the worlds without number God created and that we had always existed and always would, destined to explore and create forever in that infinite universe, it was exciting, deeply moving at times, to look into those friendly fires that formed patterns in the night and stretched away beyond my comprehension.“
“But one evening there began to come moments when I could feel moving into my mind, like a physical presence, the conviction that all was quite absurd. It made no sense at all that anything should exist. Something like nausea, but deeper and frightening, would grow in my stomach and chest but also at the core of my spirit, progressing like vertigo until in desperation I must jump up or talk suddenly of trivial things to break the spell and regain balance. And since that time I am always aware that that feeling, that extreme awareness of the better claim of nothingness, lies just beyond the barriers of my busy mind and will intrude when I let it.”1
I had a similar experience when I was a very young man, except I was having a recurring dream, a nightmare really, that I had over many nights for several years. I had very much the same feelings that England described. I can only explain that it was like being taken to an empty region of space and then abandoned without any hope, without a place to set my feet, no light, no other individual. It was complete darkness, not just lack of light, but it had substance to it pressing in on me. It was the most terrifying thing I have ever experienced. I felt that I could scream and no one would come to me, or even could hear me. I had very much the same feelings as England described about existence, of how easily it could be snuffed out and how precarious it is. After having these dreams I thought it was the fate of great sinners or sons of perdition to be sent into outer darkness and into dissolution. I have struggled to understand that experience, it was so powerful and so real. What was it? Was it some kind of warning to me to choose the right path? It wasn’t just a nightmare, because it was palpable, real to me, and it occurred over and over for a couple years. Could it have been a memory, a residual recollection from a distant past experience? Or, was it a recurring nightmare influenced by nightmare inducing demons? Monsters had no hold of fear over me like this nightmare. Perhaps by producing in my mind the terrors of judgement that Satanic spirits experience would be a tactic of the advisary.2
Over the years I have come to understand that there are no coincidences, at least not at this level of congruity. Whether caused by dark spirits or induced by the Spirit of Truth, there was purpose of a divine nature in it. There was a purpose in my having this experience so young in life; possibly to prepare my mind for future trials, experiences, or to help me form a basis of understanding for something I would encounter in the future. Or was it all of the above?
One thing I have learned about this experience is that the Lord meant for me to explore and seek an understanding of it. It is something against which I have to prepare my mind. A fear of which I need to overcome. So, I am sharing one aspect of my understanding of this experience that I think Eugene England, and who knows how many others, have shared.
It was among other things, as Joseph Smith put it, an instance of gaining a “correct understanding of his character, perfections, and attributes; because, without revelation which he has given us, no man by searching could find out God.“3
You see, many people in the religious tradition I grew up with, believe that they are destined to dwell with God in His presence, and even become like Him, if they think about it at all, without the slightest idea of what is really entailed to become like Him. They have no concept of the formative experiences and tests that they have to undertake over eons of time. I think if they really understood what was required, what they would have to experience, they would shrink from the idea of it. Even the Angels fear to cross the stakes they have placed for themselves, content to have others play the principal part. Remember the saying, “Fools rush in where angels fear to tread?” Meaning, Fools (people who assume something without investigation) venture into something that if they were wiser, would give a wide berth.
When you become a god and go to a space to begin creating your own cosmos, you must go to a space where there is no light, no place to stand on. No up, down, right or left. There is nothing but chaos, if there is anything at all. You are the light. You provide all the impetus to organize and create. You will have to learn to do that. To us, now, this place is terrifying, even horrifying. Others have described this place as a place that can drive a man to insanity.4 In a sense, you actually do have to create out of nothing, ex nihilo. You must bring order out of the chaos with your mind, with your will, and you will have to over come the fear and have perfect faith. “Your mind, O man, if you will lead a soul unto salvation, must stretch as high as the utmost Heavens.” You will only be allowed to create as a God if you are in perfect harmony with truth. You will have to generate light where there has never been any. There is no one else to turn to for the light needed, as Harry Truman’s desk placard said, “The Buck stops here.”
There is an interesting passage from Hugh Nibley in his, Nibley on the Timely and the Timeless, that gives us a possible scenario:
“The mere mechanics of the creation process as described in our “treasure” texts display truly remarkable scientific insight. For the making of a world the first requirements, we are told, are a segment of empty space, pure and unencumbered, and a supply of primordial matter to work with. Mere empty space and inert matter are, however, forbidding and profitless things in themselves, disturbing and even dangerous things for humans to be involved with –contemplating them, the mind is seized with vertigo until some foothold is found in the void. The order and stability of a foundation are achieved through the operation of a “Spark”. The Spark is sometimes defined as a small idea that comes forth from God and makes all the difference between what lives and what does not;” 5
Whether or not this thread of reasoning was the intent of the nightmarish event I had many years ago, this is what that experience has led me to understand. I think we begin to learn how to generate light right here in this mortal existence, to be a Spark. We must encounter the darkest abyss as well as the highest heights of heaven in order to understand precisely what it is we really want. We have to begin programing the All of us, the soul, intelligence, spirit and body into a creative being of light while here in this mortality. Faith and knowledge is the glue. Do you project light where you go, or do you engender darkness by hiding your light, or letting it lie dormant?
——————————————————– Notes: 1 Dialogues With Myself, Eugene England; Signature Books, 4th printing, 1988, p. 195
2 In Luke 8:31, the devils, called Legion, plead with the Lord to not send them into the “deep”. “And they besought him that he would not command them to go out into the deep.” They obviously had a fear of being driven out into the dark, groundless existence of the deep.
3 Lectures on Faith, Lecture Second, pg.37; Deseret Book Company, 1985
4Gospel of Bartholomew, chap. 3-4; Apocalypse of Abraham 16-17; The Book of Enoch, R.H. Charles, 297; Pistis Sophia; Gospel of Truth. Nibley describes how Babylonian God, Marduk, found his space to begin creation and established the fixed points of reference to create from. (Nibley on the Timely and the Timeless, note 93, pg. 78)
5 Nibley on the Timely and the Timeless, Hugh Nibley; Publishers Press, SLC, 1978, pg. 60
I would like to think that I take light wherever I go, that would be nice. I’ve found, however , that generating enough light for others to feel requires not only faith and knowledge but skill or practice. The “spark” of course is the light that comes from God. That light that gives us all life. Your quote from Luke defining the “deep’ as outer darkness is a bit contradictory to how the ‘”deep” is defined by the gospel of St. John where the apostles traveled in an ark to the “deep” to to be with Christ. Your thoughts about creating from.a dark abyss is above pay grade. Nice work, Craig.